A Dying Star – the First

July 18, 2006

The Cat’s in the Cradle

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpelican @ 11:23 pm

I am moving.

That is to say my BLOG is moving.

Moving to Blogspot.

Why?? because I don’t much care for Friendster anymore.

Not that we havent shared some fond memories.

"Sunrise, Sunset… the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon.. Yes we have no bananas"

My NEW blog can be seen at

http://adyingstar.blogspot.com/

See you there!

AND you can leave COMMENTS!!!!!!! bring me down a notch please!

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I am not a good samaritan

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpelican @ 6:38 pm

Sometimes I try to make myself a better person, but just end up making myself more evil.

People ALWAYS come up to me ask me; directions, time, bus timetable schedules, recommendations ????? Do I look like a freakin walking CITYSEARCH to you??

Anyway, One day I was in Manly and this couple came up to me and asked directions, to which I pointed to where they should be heading. That’s when I realised that they were BOTH blind.

I kid you not.

Two blindies! wtf?? that’s a bad partnering – imagine all the arguments at home: "Where’s the iron! its where I left it last! where? I cant see it! what are you fucking blind you moron!!.. oh right.. you are blind.."

Anyway after I pointed and they were doing the still staring at me thing – but not really staring because they dont know where I am so they are looking over my head, I decided to lead them to where they wanted to go.

So off we go all three of us – me leading the blind, them with their faith in a kind and generous stranger.

I was feeling super dooper full of self-righteousness, when I hear this: THUNK! SMASH!

I had actually walked them both into the plate glass at the busstop.

Ooops..

After that I sort of just ran away – crying with laughter and cursing myself at laughing at the blind.

Just stay away from me – its for your own good.

The French are living in the Past

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpelican @ 4:48 pm

I was on the ferry yesterday afternoon and overheard this conversation between a French guy and an Aussie Dude.

FRENCH GUY: Oh my goodness, ave you seen zis film called ze Matrix?

AUSSIE DUDE: the first or the second one?

FRENCH GUY: zere are two!!!

AUSSIE DUDE: Dude there are three!

FRENCH DUDE: oh my god! zis is incredible.

…………………..

Is there a Doctor in the house ??

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpelican @ 4:44 pm

I have diagnosed the following illnesses.

SLEEPCUNT

Ever been sleeping with someone then they do a mad twitch and wake you up?? this is what I refer as a Sleepcunt.
Sleepcunt is when you make it impossible for another person to sleep by being a cunt – ie twitching, kicking, snoring, blanket hogging.

MANRIOD

Men get thier periods – everybody knows this.
Once a month they become testy assholes, this is because of their manriod.

PUSSY PADS

Not so much an illness as a fast way to stop yourself being covered in uterus lining when you realise you have your periods in the middle of the night.
Just strap a cat to your vag and you’ll be fine.

July 17, 2006

Naomi Campbell is my Hero

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpelican @ 7:39 pm

I love Naomi.

She is a hot chick with Rage Issues who isnt afraid to beat someone up or trash a friends yacht.

She throws her blackberry at her assistants – rock on!
I often want to throw my mobile at people, but unlike i her, i can’t afford a new one.

She physically and verbally abuses people – sick!
I have to resist the urge to say "For fucks sake ! Do what i say! before i shove this pipe up your ass and fill it with barbed wire you fucking cunt! Fuck you fucking slut die bitch die"

She trashes other peoples things – yeah!!
Apparently she trashed her friends million dollar yacht – smashed plates, ripped blinds… fuck yeah! if you’re going to trash something a yacht sounds pretty fun.

Basically she is HOT! one of the original 5 supermodels in the world – she can get away with bashing up people and ruining their shit.

She is beautiful and deserves to treat us all like the fugly shit on her shoes that we are.

Naomi004_2

July 16, 2006

Wanted: Modelling Career

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpelican @ 11:06 pm

Dmitry

I just want you to put some pants on.
And flashing me your pubes isn’t going to win any favours either.

Unless i was casting for magazine called GAY & GAYER

The Gym

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpelican @ 10:48 pm

Yo!!!!!!! I’ll tell ya what i want what i really really want!
I really really really wanna zigazigah.

I think that what the spice girls meant by that was; I really really really wanna be a skinny bitch ahhhh

Everything hurts.
I dont even remember exercising my neck! but it hurts.
My armpits hurt.
The webbing between my toes hurts.
My labia hurts.
My lungs hurt.
My eyelids hurt.

I need more stretchy pants. My current stretchy pants have a hole in them – albeit it provides good ventilation down there.

I think this is how eating disorders begin – one minute you are scarfing down Cherry Ripes, like they are going out of fashion – the next moment your jeans don’t fit anymore, so you learn what a "calorie" is – then before you know it – you’re eating lettuce for dinner and have daggers for eyes at the person who has been on the exercise bike longer than their allocated period.

Owch – something in my underguts hurts.

This better pay off!

I plan on being as skinny as The Corpse Bride, and as tanned as an Aboriginal by the time summer gets here.

Hot.

Ole Ole Ole

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpelican @ 4:43 pm

The El Maco is back!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since it’s last stint in 1998 – the world has changed, the two towers no longer exist, Shiloh Nouvel-Pitt has arrived, and the El Maco is back with a slice of cheese rather than grated cheese.

(and the shaker fries are also missing??)

Let the Tour Begin!!!

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I just want a Freakin Jacket!!!!!!!!!

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpelican @ 2:43 am

What did you do on Saturday?
I looked all around Sydney for a fucking Jacket.
Why? Because it’s the middle of winter, and my nipples could cut glass.

Too bad that all the spastic shops out there are only selling singlets, dresses, crop jackets.

I may be of the ripe old age of 26, but that doesn’t mean i want to dress like a slut and get pneumonia.
Am i that old really? does the need for a fucking jacket put in some weirdo category where people just want to be warm?

The places i looked fruitlessly for a jacket:

Westfield Chatswood
Chatswood Chase
Bondi Westfield
Birkenhead Point.

Nyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyarda.

For fucks sake Westfield managers, it’s still WINTER!!!!!! That means that people get COLD!!!!

I know that this country is at the ass end of the world, and that you need to emulate the fashion of Europe and American trends to feel part of the club, BUT did it not occur to you that we are in a different Hemiphere???

Therefore, maybe in winter you need to stock things like Jackets, long-sleeved shirts, anything that will cover my kidneys??

To summarise: Fuck you Bondi Westfield.

July 13, 2006

Going to see Toni

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpelican @ 10:51 pm

I have the ultimate excuse for getting out of seeing relatives or basically anything in general.

"gotta go i’m going to see Toni"

I use this all the time.

Toni used to be my flatmate – and in the past i really WAS going to see Toni, albeit I was usually LYING about where I was seeing her; ie: Christmas Day at the Pub.

"isnt the pub closed?"
"…ummmmm Toni’s pub is always open"

Toni has sinced moved to melbourne, and I miss her heaps, but i still use the mythical "going to see Toni" excuse.

And aren’t we all "Going to see Toni?"

Really?

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